In the giant mixing pot that is today’s landscape of online dating sites and mobile apps, you are likely to come across some Russian women. You may be attracted by their gentle demeanour and pretty looks. They are also fun to be with. So, what is the best way to impress lovely maidens from the land of frosty winters and babushka dolls?
As usual, knowledge is power. It is the little things that count, right?
Tip #1: Be a gentleman.
To appreciate what does it mean, being a gentleman, think of 1950s. How men were courting women, that’s the way today’s Russian girls expect to be treated.
Allow me a brief excurse into the Russian history. Women in the former Soviet Union were pushed to equality with men from 1917. When western ladies were wearing pretty dresses and played housewives, Russian women were working in factories after the World War II, with not enough men to do the jobs. When the USSR collapsed in 1991 after 70+ years of Soviet totalitarianism, Russian culture swiftly embraced gender differences and women jumped on the opportunity to become extremely feminine, which they couldn’t accomplish in the past.
So, while western ladies were fighting for equal rights, Russian girls craved to be celebrated for their femininity, admired and protected by men. In other words, they went for the ideal of a fair maiden next to a knight in the shining armour. That’s what impresses Eastern European women the most today.
Tip #2: Bring flowers to a date.
I know you may think it’s going to look iffy. When I tell guys what to do when dating Russian girls, men often act shocked and doubtful. In the books of western dating coaches, this may not be the smartest move. But in courting ladies from Russia, it is. A lady from Moscow told me that she came to visit a guy in America and he arrived to meet her at the airport without flowers. This is where she knew he was “not serious about her”, and it went downhill from there.
Matchmakers from Russia are even more extreme: They tell girls to immediately walk away if a guy arrived to a date without a bunch of colorful blossoms. Bringing a lovely bouquet to your first date is just a passing mark in the eyes of Eastern European girls. (Read again tip #1 to understand why.)
Tip #3: Dress up.
Because of the cult of femininity in Russia, women tend to dress smartly—morning, day, night, weekdays and weekends. She will look like a beautiful doll and you don’t want to look shabby next to her.
A collared shirt and decent long pants, laced-up leather shoes will be appropriate. If you really like this girl and want to make sure you stand a chance, get some new fashionable items. Yes, male fashion changes every season, too. If you have no idea, ask a shop assistant to help. Zara has some really cool items for younger guys, which are affordable. If your sizing is on the bigger side, a good department store might be more helpful.
Otherwise, if your looks under impress your beautiful Russian companion, any investment in mutual entertainment and meals could be a total waste. While you are chatting on a dating site, the same applies to your photos. You need to look elegantly dressed. It’s a big thing for Russian girls.
Tip #4: Learn a few phrases in Russian
Today learning any foreign language is effortless. Go to Google Translate and type in the phrase you picked. You get the correct translation and even hear it pronounced properly (click on the audio button).
Even if you can’t pronounce it correctly, you are guaranteed points for trying and lots of laughter. (Laughter is always good, and you don’t even need to make jokes in this case.) Russians think their language is extremely difficult for foreigners to learn. This is why they really appreciate when people try.
Tip #5: Don’t mention stereotypes.
Nothing annoys Russian people more than foreigners’ stereotypes about their country. For example, women rarely drink vodka and it’s not always cold in Russia. In summer even in Siberia it can be +35˚C (95˚F). You are more likely to meet a bear in the USA than in Russia. Read the general Wikipedia article about the country, it might be helpful in dispelling typical myths.
Tip #6: Court.
Being a gentleman means courting the lady. It’s not “dating” when people simply hang out together; it’s the man trying to win the lady’s heart.
• Open doors, hold her coat for her to slip in, move chairs.
• Offer your hand for support when getting out of a car, bus, or train.
• Offer your elbow for her to hold on while walking, especially if she wears high heels.
• You can even kiss her hand when saying “Good bye.” (While trying to kiss her on the lips or cheek is not recommended, read further why.)
Tip #7: Absolutely avoid any affectionate moves.
This is another issue American guys and westerners in general often question. Guys are afraid to appear not being interested or brave enough, if they don’t try to get some touching. In the books of courting a lady, and this is what you are striving to do, attempting body contact early on is labelled as “disrespectful”. She will decide you are only after her body and may not feel you are worthy of her attention. I had Russian women telling me things like, “He wanted sex!” with horror in their eyes, when a guy came to visit her after 2-3 months of online communication and wanted affection on the first or second day. It was too quick for her because they didn’t spend enough time in person. In the Russian courtship books, there should be at least 5-7 dates before a kiss can be attempted (excluding a kiss on the hand, this is allowed and considered gentlemanly when meeting or parting). Full intimacy may occur on about date #8. Actually, no kisses or hugs beforehand do not preclude you from covering all bases in one date. It can happen all at once, and usually does. Once she believes you are “serious” about her and not just playing to get sex, the woman feels secure to open to a close encounter. It’s simpler and more effective to wait it off than push on early and ruin everything.
Tip #8: Take her to cultural events.
So, what do you do while trying to demonstrate this fair maiden that you would like to be a boyfriend and not just after a quick hook up? Do some cultural activities such as going to a museum, art gallery, live jazz, or watch a theater play. There are plenty of free or cheap activities happening in any city. Talent shows, being in the audience of a TV program, all these things are entertaining. It will definitely impress a girl from Eastern Europe.
Tip #9: Invite her to a posh restaurant.
It can be done as the date #1 along with flowers, if you are after the perfect first impression. Having some good food in the presence of a lovely lady, what can be more enjoyable? And no, it will not be too much. Not in the books of Russian girls. But it can be “too little” if you simply decide to hang out at a fast food outlet or a humble cafe. It shows you as “cheap”, and cheap is not the word you’d like hot Russian girls to associate with you.
Tip #10: Lead.
If anything, be a leader. Make suggestions and decisions, don’t hesitate. For her to be the feminine lady she dreams to be, you are supposed to be the head of this potential union. So, it’s up to you to make plans, organize things happening, and move the relationship forward. She is there just to respond. If you are happy to adopt the attitude of a leader, your connection with Russian girls will be amazingly pleasant and successful. They are pretty easy to get along with, if you follow these tips.
About the author:
Elena Petrova is a dating coach with 17-year experience in the industry of relationships and a founder of Elenasmodels.com. Her latest Coaching program for men dating Russian, Ukrainian women is available for instant download via the website. In her spare time, Elena enjoys cruising, sailing, and studying martial arts.